Following a traumatic experience and the challenges of early motherhood, Emma experienced postnatal depression and anxiety. After hitting rock bottom and reaching out for help she met Maria from Family Action’s perinatal service. The one-to-one support in Emma’s own home helped her overcome challenges and start to rebuild herself.
I think I was always going to be a ticking time bomb as subconsciously I had trauma that I hadn’t dealt with. My husband and I tried for five years to conceive my son, and I continued to work in the ambulance service. I was badly assaulted in the line of work when I didn’t know I was pregnant, and I miscarried.
It was an awful time – one of the scariest of my life and, even though I went through counselling and felt better, those worries really raised their head when I became pregnant again and I think it grew from that incident. I kept thinking “What if I get in a car accident? What if I trip over?”
Looking back, I can see why I wasn’t having a good time in early motherhood.
If I could go back and hold my own hand
Looking back, I can see why I wasn’t having a good time in early motherhood. My son struggled with colic, and digestive issues, and he really struggled with weening because he’d been ill. If I could go back then and hold my own hand, I would say to myself “he’s just a baby”. I was doing well in terms of looking after him… I just wasn’t looking after myself.
I thought that was just what it was like… I was a first-time parent and there’s no handbook. At that point even his dad wasn’t a safe place for me, as I was so fearful that something bad was going to happen. I was too protective, and I had lots of questions, but didn’t know who to ask. I was so tired and exhausted. I was overthinking things, and I started to isolate myself.
I was always just putting everything down to being sleep deprived, but now I’m coming out the other end I can see it was depression.
I was so tired and exhausted. I was overthinking things, and I started to isolate myself.
Someone who feels like a friend
I really noticed something was not right when I got into a road rage incident. I’m the most horizontal person you’ll ever meet, so when I confronted a gentleman in the parental parking space with no disabled badge and no children, my behaviour bothered me. Once I thought about it, I noticed I wasn’t sleeping well and started to reflect that maybe this wasn’t just “baby brain”.
I’d considered post-natal depression and anxiety but at the time I didn’t want to admit it to myself. It was difficult because I’ve worked in the ambulance service, so I’m well trained around mental health myself, but I didn’t notice the signs. It was this slow deep process toward hitting rock bottom and reaching out.
I was referred to Family Action. They explained that someone would come and see me in my own home, as it was an environment I felt more comfortable in. I was very isolated so I hoped it would be someone impartial… someone who felt like a friend. Maria feels like a friend.
Initially I was nervous, but it was really informal – she introduced herself, told me what to expect and how long the service would go on for. We went through questionnaires about depression and anxiety to check I was safe, and she explained that she would link in with my health visitor every six weeks so they could support me with what I needed.
It feels very friendly, open and warm… It’s like I’m talking to my friend who I’ve known for years.
Rebuilding myself
Maria explained that it could be done over a phone call or in person and could be as often as once a week – I decided I would meet up every two weeks with her and I also preferred the idea of meeting in person. For the rest of the time, we just touched base on what my expectations were and discussed what I was going through so she could gauge what support I might need.
The best thing about Family Action’s perinatal service is that it doesn’t feel clinical. I’ve been in the NHS for 13 years in a variety of roles, and a lot of them have uniforms; even the health visitor is scary to new parents. It feels very friendly, open and warm… It’s like I’m talking to my friend who I’ve known for years.
Maria just kept directing me to where I needed to be, she helped me understand issues I need to raise with my GP and gave me leaflets for local services that could help. Within three months I started looking more like the person I am today compared to when I started seeing her; I’d already started to rebuild myself.
Now I can see that all the struggles will fall away… Everything’s a phase, weening was difficult, but I don’t know any 20-year-old still on baby formula!
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