A mentoring friendship that began with crafts, shopping trips, quirky Toy Appeal presents and shared café moments grew into a relationship that supported Zara through some of her hardest years. Here’s her story.
I’ve had my mentor, Sara, since I was 11. Throughout that time, different things in life would bother me, but she was always there for me. At 16, I was in hospital with mental health issues. There were no phones, and my friends weren’t allowed to see me.
Somehow my mentor managed to post me a card… And that moment when I opened it, it also opened my heart.
I’m still confused about it, as I don’t know how she knew to get in touch, but it was so sweet of her. I kept that card on display for years – it was a picture of these two sausage dogs in a car together, which said “see you soon”.
Someone there for me at my worst and best
When I met Sara she seemed… almost mythical to me. She was a Canadian and at that point in my life I’d only seen Canadians on TV shows. It was like seeing a koala in real life… I was like “a real-life Canadian is here in the UK”. She also seemed really bubbly and was outgoing and funny… I trusted her immediately.
We bonded over our love of arts and crafts, as we both like things like making things from wood, crocheting, knitting and collages. She did a lot of arts and crafts stuff in her spare time when she was younger and, although she works in finance now, she USED to be cool!
I've known Sara for six years. To us, it's never felt a long time though, and I'm pleased that I've had her for as long as I have.
The Toy Appeal and me
Throughout the years I’ve been given gifts from Family Action’s Toy Appeal that I could tell they’d definitely thought about beforehand.
For example, I got a massive make your own mug set that was SO cool – it was actually on the wish list of things I wanted – and I also got a mosaic kit, which I now do quite a bit…
It felt very special that it was nicely labelled for me and was something that I was really into at the time. It was nice to know that somebody cared about me. A big thank you to all the people who donate… it’s so decent of you.
Getting someone you know a gift is a nice thing to do, but to get a complete stranger a gift is amazing.
One time we just sat in a café and wrote our Christmas cards – we like to remember that as our most productive meeting! It was around that time that I was diagnosed with autism. I think that contributed to why I wasn’t able to manage with GCSES and/or friendships – my identity isn’t autism, but it does explain a lot.
I’m not really sure why it got worse for me – I guess you’re quite stressed anyway and at 16 you’re becoming an adult. All I remember is that existing at the time was really difficult- it was just this accumulation of small, little things; like when you have cheese in the fridge and the mould just manifests over time.
And then things slowly got better, and I began to realise that life wasn’t as bad as I pictured it. I still don’t know why I feel different now, but I definitely do.
Sara and I didn't see each other for a year because of the hospital time, but that first meeting afterward was like when you have a thousand piece puzzle but there's one piece left… we connected like that, we jumped back in.
It was important to have a person grow with me, and we’ve both seen different versions of each other. A lot of what I want to do and don’t want to do comes from me and her talking about it – I want to travel, for example, because she’s told me how much she loved it.
When I was going through my mental health issues there were some days when I’d go out in my pyjamas, but she couldn’t care less.
Friendship works
It’s nice to have someone see you as the enthusiastic 11-year-old you were, and not a moody 16-year-old – She was someone who had seen me at my best and was there for me at my worst.
Sara is a paradox. She does the most boring job (to me) ever, but she does these really cool things. She’s made me realise people in finance are humans too!
Mentoring has to last for two years, so I wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay in touch once the two years were up. I would have been upset, but I would have understood. But she did! I hope we always keep in contact, and I would 100 percent do it for someone else one day.
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