Home Stories Cathryne’s story: how the Toy Appeal helped my son, a young carer

Cathryne’s story: how the Toy Appeal helped my son, a young carer

18 November 2024
Food & Financial Hardship Health & Wellbeing Young People
Story

Sometimes presents from the Toy Appeal mean so much more than a new toy to play with. They act as tokens of recognition and belonging. Sometimes they’re also a reminder to children that they’re not alone.  Here Mum, Cathryne tells us her story and why the Toy Appeal means so much to her sons who care for her.  

When Family Action’s Young Carers service came into our lives, it was my youngest that wanted the support, which makes sense as he’d always had to care for both me and his older brother.

My eldest has always been a sensitive boy and experienced sensory issues early on relating to the autism that wouldn’t be diagnosed until he was around 10.  I think that even back when they were small children my youngest was acting as a carer for him in some ways, as he had to have the emotional understanding to handle his meltdowns.

Because I have fibromyalgia, my youngest has never had experience of a world where I didn’t have mobility problems. He’s always had to have an uncommon level of understanding ever since he was a toddler. With my condition sometimes I can barely move, and it feels like I’m wearing a lead suit. Other days are better but if I do too much my body will physically stop me and I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression because of the constant pain.

Because I have fibromyalgia, my youngest has never had experience of a world where I didn’t have mobility problems. He’s always had to have an uncommon level of understanding ever since he was a toddler.

Practical support

The children didn’t need to care for me as much when I was still with my husband. He was in the military, so I had support from him and the army community.  But that stability ended when my marriage finished.  When a military marriage breaks down you essentially get evicted from army housing, and my sons and I moved three times in two and half years.

My youngest does a lot of practical things for me – even getting me out of bed – and, if I’m out walking, there will be times when my hip gives way and he’ll have to catch me. Most importantly, however, he’ll make me a cup of tea… that’s the first thing I taught both of them when they got old enough to do it safely! I’m joking, but honestly the pain is so bad sometimes that I can’t lift the kettle, so I need that practical support.

Even though my youngest was the one who wanted the support, Sarah from Young Carers agreed to meet with both of my sons. Talking with Sarah helped his anxiety massively because he used to get very scared seeing me in pain and not being able to help. She also helped him understand my moods, as when I’m having a bad day, I can get a bit snappy.

The understanding he got from those meetings was fantastic.  He also got the chance to do “level up” sessions where he could meet with other young carers and do activity days where they all have fun and I think that was really key for him, as it helped him to understand that he wasn’t alone.

Talking with Sarah helped his anxiety massively because he used to get very scared seeing me in pain and not being able to help.

How the Toy Appeal helped

For me, that’s what the Toy Appeal meant too. It was like a recognition for him; recognition that he’s doing things that not all kids do or have to do, and it made him feel important and worthwhile. I always praise both my sons for what they do but I’m a single parent who can’t work due to my condition, and finances can be tricky. Mentally I battle with that as I have a degree, and I’ve always worked since I was 14… my life went a different way than I expected it to.

At the moment I could never afford the gifts they were given by the people donating to the Toy Appeal. It takes away the guilt I feel, as no parent wants to be in that position. Having somebody else who’s not in our immediate network praise them helps them to realise that they’re doing something out of the ordinary. I may be biased but I think my two boys are the best kids on earth… I really believe that’s true. They’re so sensitive and caring – that’s been the case ever since they were little.

For those people who donate to the Toy Appeal all I can say is thank you doesn’t cover it. I don’t think you could ever understand what impact that act of generosity has. It might feel small to you, but it plays such a huge part in the bigger picture.

I could never afford the gifts they were given by the people donating to the Toy Appeal. It takes away the guilt I feel, as no parent wants to be in that position.

Donate

Keep the magic of Christmas alive for a child or young person with nothing to open this year with a symbolic gift donated to our Toy Appeal.

Thank you for your donation to our Toy Appeal. Your gift will bring some magic to a child and their family who have been through hard times this year. If you ever need support, we're here for every family and any family issue through our UK-wide FamilyLine. Thank you again for your donation, please take a look at the rest our website where you will find more information about what we do, our impact on families, stories of those we've helped and how to get support if you need it. Make another donation

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