A tiny toy for Christmas, a world of difference for us

When the Toy Appeal gave Abby’s son a small bath toy for Christmas, it was so much more than just a little gift – it helped her bond with her premature little boy after a difficult start.

Can I hold him?

When my son was delivered by emergency C-section he weighed only two pounds. My mental health has always been a bit rocky, and the situation just made it so much worse… I was very anxious. I couldn’t hold him, and I just had to watch him in his little glass box. It was heartbreaking. The most I was able to do was touch his hands, and I was badgering the nurses, asking “can I hold him?”

Finally, I was allowed to have skin on skin time, and it was the best thing ever. But perhaps because I didn’t get that early time, it didn’t feel real that he was there and, for example, I was still getting phantom kicks.

My milk also didn’t come in properly, which upset me as I wanted to exclusively breastfeed… It was another part of my plan – like the water birth that I’d wanted to have – that I felt had been taken away from me.

Although I could leave the hospital after two weeks he came out at 49 days and two pounds heavier.

Feeling less alone

When I met Maria, a Perinatal Coordinator from Family Action, I just kind of clicked with her right away. My son was around four months old and we were referred by the health visitor who told me my son was doing really well, but I was struggling. I was still traumatised from the birth and my struggles with bonding meant I felt like I was broken; You’re supposed to instantly love your kids, and there’s a huge stigma about that instant bond.

I was 22 and because I was in insecure housing I was often just sitting in one room with him. It felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone, particularly as I had friends who didn’t have a child themselves, and I worried that I would be judged by other mums.

Abby, Mum

At first Maria suggested going to a coffee shop where we could sit down and have a drink. Even that step was difficult as I was scared of my own shadow at that point and anxious about taking him anywhere because he was such a whiny baby, but Maria helped me feel more comfortable with going places and with not knowing if people would judge me and my baby.

Eventually we went to a baby group which was lovely as I started coming out of my shell a bit – speaking to the other mums and interacting with the kids. It was also nice to hear the struggles of the other mums as well, so I knew that I wasn’t the only one struggling. I also really clicked with another mum and we’re still messaging now…It’s like I’d met my soulmate.

A toy for Christmas helped us bond

Then, last Christmas Family Action had a party, and I took him dressed as Buddy the elf. He looked absolutely gorgeous – even though he was still tiny and it was an outfit for a 0-3 month old… I’ve only recently had to worry about him growing out of clothes!

At the party we were given a little dinosaur bath toy for Christmas from the Family Action Toy Appeal – you put water through the mouth and it makes exciting things happen.

He used to hate washing and scream constantly, but because he adores the toy it’s actually made him love washing and playing in the bath…

It seems strange now to think that I didn’t really have much of a bond with him until Maria helped me, and that it sometimes didn’t feel like he was mine. But it can happen to anyone. Now, a year later, my son is thriving and I would like to say thank you to all the people who donate as it just helps so much.

You don’t understand the impact it can have, even if you might think it’s just a silly toy.

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Keep the magic of Christmas alive for a child or young person with nothing to open this year with a symbolic gift donated to our Toy Appeal.

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£7.50 could buy a baby book or comforting teddy

£25 could buy a young carer a craft kit

£60 could help keep a family fed this Christmas through our FOOD Clubs

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£10 a month could provide two families with a regular parcel of food

£25 a month could enable us to support 15 more families in crisis via FamilyLine

£50 a month could provide families with essentials such as warm clothing, cooking equipment & beds

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A tiny toy for Christmas, a world of difference for us

Can I hold him?

Feeling less alone

A toy for Christmas helped us bond

Donate

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