Clare’s story: The Toy Appeal means so much more than just a gift

Mum Clare* has struggled with post-natal depression, fibromyalgia and chronic migraines. Her son has autism and her daughter cares for them both. Here she explains how Family Action’s young carers and gifts from the Toy Appeal made them feel supported.

Having the young carers service involved was an emotional support system during a hugely traumatic time, and it’s been a long journey back to normal.

On the day they turned up with the gifts from the Toy Appeal I was on the brink of tears because of the situation with my marriage. They were really nice practical presents – they weren’t tacky or cheap; I think they got nice pyjamas, a book and chocolates. It was just really nice for them to get something and know that there’s someone out there who’s thinking of them, and it gave my daughter the recognition she deserves.

It was just really nice for them to get something and know that there’s someone out there who’s thinking of them.

My daughter is in school now, but looking back on the period after my daughter was born it’s like a dream or a past life… I’m not in that place anymore. I had a severe case of post-natal depression that went undiagnosed for two years, maybe more.

I had no idea I was depressed… I just felt like my daughter and her elder brother were being really difficult. They’ve always been like chalk and cheese, and my mental health illness made it very hard for me to parent them and nurture their relationship. My son has autism and it’s been a hard journey to work through a lot of the issues that neurodivergent families have.

I also have fibromyalgia and chronic migraines. It was awful, and I don’t know how I survived it… There was no escape from level ten pain every day… That was my life for five years. It was hard for me to manage as, even once I was diagnosed, I was only just starting my journey back to getting better, and when my daughter was four or five and starting primary school I was still pretty much bedridden. I was just ticking over, doing the laundry and cooking dinner, but just kind of doing the bare minimum to get by.

While I was healing, I was helped by Family Action’s young carers service coming into our lives when my daughter was in around year four of Primary school. The service gave my daughter a way to come out of herself and find her own space away from caring for her brother or me, her mum. They host a wellness course for a few days where they teach children things like breathing techniques to help them when they’re feeling overwhelmed. They also meet at a sports centre along with other young carers and go out for the day, doing activities such as rafting or rock climbing. All the kids get to switch off and be themselves for the day and get closer to nature.

The service gave my daughter a way to come out of herself and find her own space away from caring for her brother or me, her mum.

Sometimes when my son is struggling a lot of the focus in the house is spent micromanaging him and it means that my daughter can be left to one side because there’s a lot going on and I’m having to firefight. It was comforting knowing that there was somebody else out there that was taking my daughter’s wellbeing into consideration.

The young carers service also gave us practical support with things like helping us find free school uniforms for the children. It was yet another thing that was on my mental list, and it would have involved discussions about finance with my husband at a delicate time as my marriage was coming to an end.

Family Action told me “I’m going to take care of that for you because I can see you need it”, and it was nice to have someone take the lead for a bit. That’s sort of how I feel about the gifts we got from the Toy Appeal last Christmas. I was really upset and having them turn up with the gifts just made me feel supported.

*Name changed at the request of the interviewee

It was comforting knowing that there was somebody else out there that was taking my daughter’s wellbeing into consideration.

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Clare’s story: The Toy Appeal means so much more than just a gift

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