After Emma’s son was born, she experienced postnatal depression that affected every part of her life. As a slightly older second-time mum, she initially felt some fear and shame. This time round though, she found life changing support and friendship through Family Action’s Supportive Steps perinatal service and started to feel empowered by her first experience.
Supportive Steps has been absolutely invaluable. It’s saved my life and it’s been the biggest network of support that I could have asked for during a really difficult time.
I suffered with quite bad post-natal depression. It was just this constant fear of everything, and it got to the point where I thought that harm was going to come to my child, so I wouldn’t leave the house. I was suspicious of people, and it really marred my view of reality, it affected all parts of my life.
I’m quite an extroverted person and can usually fit into social situations quite easily, but that fear was all consuming. I didn’t feel like me and I didn’t know who I was, it was like an out of body experience.
It was really frightening, and I didn’t know what was happening, and it got to the point where it was unbearable.
Looking back, it was about protection; as soon as my son was out of the house, I couldn’t protect him, and I think now that that’s where it came from. But despite all that I don’t think I realised at first. You’re tired, after all, and you know about baby blues and hormonal drop, so I kept telling myself that was what it was.
Luckily my mum knew because my whole persona changed – she was keeping a close eye on me, and I was lucky to have that. She said “you need to speak to your Health Visitor about it” so I did, and I was referred to Family Action through the council’s perinatal mental health team.
Finding the support I didn’t have first time
I was given a support worker and, even though we communicated through just texts at first, it felt like somebody cared. I think sometimes when you’re in that situation you push away everyone you know personally. To have somebody who wasn’t emotionally involved was easier to be honest, as I didn’t have to worry somebody that loves me, and I didn’t have to feel embarrassed.
The text messages and phone calls were good because they were faceless, but then I went to the first meeting of parents. I wasn’t going to go, but they invited me, and I hate letting people down.
It was the best thing I could have done for myself, and my family.
It was me, three other mums, a support worker and our babies, and I was SO frightened. I didn’t do all that stuff with my eldest daughter… things like baby groups, and, looking back, I think I probably had post-natal depression back then, but I wasn’t really educated about it. I was a lot younger, and I forced myself to just get on.
I was a little bit embarrassed about being a bit older, my fears and my situation, but when I mentioned it to the other mums it made me feel not ashamed.
First, it was all the support workers who were talking but eventually I opened up. The shame gets bigger and bigger as you don’t talk about it and then when you share it, it suddenly pops like a balloon, and the pressure’s gone.
Friendships flourished with the other mums and their babies – I actually felt empowered because of my previous experience raising my daughter because I could give the others advice. I still attend the group to this day.
