After two traumatic births and a miscarriage, becoming a mother was a different experience to what Astrid had dreamt of. Through Family Action she not only found a lifeline of support, connection and friendship. She also rebuilt her confidence, found a passion and now works at Family Action in the same role that inspired her as a parent.
I don't exaggerate that Family Action's outreach worker walking into my house on that day all that time ago has totally changed my life.
My first baby
As happy as we were, we had a difficult and traumatic birth. I had always expected to have children one day, and I wanted to be a textbook, perfect do-it-all mum. At that time, I really felt that I’d failed because my body couldn’t physically give birth, therefore it was broken… it couldn’t do a basic biological process it was ‘designed’ to do.
Eventually I was referred to Family Action because my mood was so low.
I was referred to the CAPS ‘Incredible Babies’ course where we all took our babies, put them on a playmat and talked about our experiences…it was lovely. One of the mums on the first session broke down in tears and told us she was really struggling, and everybody did what they could to reassure her. That really gave us all a sense that “we all get it and we’re all able to support each other”.
Growing our family
We wanted to have another child, and we thought the challenges first time might be one off’s, there’s no way the universe would hand us the same obstacles again… But it did!
We experienced quite a devastating miscarriage which really started a chain reaction of my mental health declining. Pregnancy after miscarriage is a totally different and terrifying experience. Then the birth of my second child was also incredibly traumatic.
I do remember we had this moment where we’d gone to Asda but they’d both fallen asleep, and we were sat in the car park with two sleeping children – a very rare treat! We were just talking through things and I totally broke down. I realised that I was not ok and probably hadn’t been since our miscarriage and I should go to a doctor and ask what help was available.
Finding my tribe
After Covid the world started to open again, and my journey with Family Action continued, this time through my local Tots group. With everything I had experienced, the women at Tuesday Tots have really carried me through and have been my safety.
This Tots group became my lifeline. I believe all parents need to build themselves a tribe to survive and thrive the parenting journey.
One day there was somebody from Family Action there to give information about the children’s centres and outreach support. I asked about some of the current parenting challenges I was facing, and she told me to self-refer to the outreach process. My outreach worker was just so supportive and caring and kind and so personable.
She referred me to another CAPS course, and to a short intervention with a CAMHS child behavioural psychologist, who was phenomenal in her support. The CAPS facilitators were incredible in terms of their care and supportiveness. I owe so much to these women, both of whom I now work with.
She was like a knight in shining armour at the opportune moment. Meeting her has changed my life.
Using my experience to help other parents
One day I got a call regarding doing their EPEC course, where parents are trained to deliver peer support on common behaviour traits in children. It immediately appealed to me, as I had always loved that training environment. I remember the facilitators saying “you could do this, you’d be good at this”.
One of them said "I bet we work together one day" and I now share an office with her which I think brings us both pride.
Up to that point I was just surviving. I would take the kids to school and then come back and sleep or sit there paralysed staring at housework that never got done, feeling like a waste of space. But not anymore – not once I had those Fridays. Now I had Tuesday Tots and EPEC, my tribe was growing!
I started volunteering around the children’s centres until eventually an outreach job came up for Family Action, so I applied. It felt like everyone across the children centres was supporting me and willing me to make it.
Now I work at Family Action in the same role that inspired me as a parent, and it's so familiar… It feels like home.
It’s a truly significant journey. My family and I still face huge challenges, and it can still feel like we hardly keep our heads above water, but we are now equipped as a family to cope and find solutions. Family Action, specifically EPEC, in my local community has played a huge role in aiding my family to find that path.
There are children everywhere who will thrive because of the power outreach, early intervention and peer led support teaches their family to believe in their own abilities. I hope I can be that spark for someone else.
