After having a baby during lockdown, single mum Jess reflects on finding support at a Family Action perinatal group. She was struggling with her mental health but found practical and emotional support and a space where she could be open about how hard she was finding being a new mum.
Coming to terms with my pregnancy
I worked right up until the day I gave birth. In fact, I think it was literally when my waters broke that I actually took what was happening onboard. My friend who was my birthing partner booked some time off work so for the first few weeks both she and my sister were here. When it got to night-time I’d turn to my son and be like “It’s just me and you kid”, but during the daytime it didn’t seem as daunting.
When they left me alone in the house for good it was difficult, and I think now that I had postnatal depression.
More than the baby blues
In the first couple of weeks the baby blues hit and I was crying all the time, but everyone told me about that and it felt normal. But when he was around three months old, I thought I was still a bit down; thinking I wasn’t good enough and feeling angry at myself.
I’d had experience of depression before the pregnancy and had been on medication before, so I went to the doctors but because of COVID it was very different than when I’d been treated before. Before they would call me and go into depth regarding how I was feeling. This time it felt like they just said, “you’ve had a baby, here’s some tablets”.
Finding the right perinatal support group
My sister has kids and they’ve been through things like her children not sleeping or not eating enough but it was a long time ago for her. I was whingeing to her and her partner, and they were like ”we’ve been there”, but I needed to speak to someone who’d had a younger baby.
I decided to join a few online classes and groups for new mums, mainly because it was a reason to get up and put some makeup on, but nothing really fitted. The mums in the groups were nice but they talked as if their lives were perfect, and their babies were angels, and I just thought “mine’s not… he cries all the time”.
But the Family Action one was different because it’s more about your mental health as well – they ask you how you feel to judge how much support you’ll need, so it’s tailored to you.
I didn’t join this group until he was about seven or eight months old. It’s both emotional and practical and the other mums can tell you what they’re trying and what’s working.
I wish I’d known about it as soon as he’d been born as the Family Action classes were more willing to be open about how hard it actually is.
Moving forward
Going out for a walk helps me feel more positive and I’ve started getting out with my son in the nicer weather every day if we can. He just doesn’t stop. He’s feisty, confident and has no fear; he’s not a clingy lockdown baby; he’s a bit of a wild child and he’s very stubborn. Growing up during lockdown doesn’t seem to have affected him but looking back I think it definitely affected me.
I’m back at work now and, though it was a nightmare trying to readjust and set up our systems, it’s good to be around adults again. Thanks to the Family Action group and the passage of time I’ve been feeling more positive.
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Being a mother can be filled with love, joy, and lots of challenges. Not every mum has the support they need to navigate these.
