Far away from family and friends when her second baby was born, Kemi felt increasingly isolated and anxious about leaving her home. Through the strength of her relationship with one of Family Action’s perinatal support workers, and the help of our Summer Fund, a previously almost unthinkable trip to the seaside brought community back into her life.
What I’ve learnt is that the motherhood journey can be overwhelming even if you’ve had a child before, but Family Action fill that gap and ensure you’re supported.
I was struggling, as there was a lot going on and it was making me anxious. I wasn’t a first-time mum, but I was new in the country, and I had a new baby and a toddler.
Anxious and isolated
My husband came here to study as a master’s student just after we’d got married and had our daughter. Although I was working in Nigeria, we felt we had to be together and start life afresh.
I found a job in England, but I was working remotely, which made me feel lonely. I didn’t really meet anybody, even though I’m a social person. I would talk to my customers on the phone, but I would be mostly at my desk.
When my second baby came along, I just felt like I didn’t know what the future held. In Nigeria I had my mum, my sister, my friends, my mother-in-law… I had support, but it was a different scenario here. It was fine at first as my mum was with me when my daughter was born but she was due to go back to Nigeria, so I’d have no family around.
I felt increasingly anxious and didn’t like going outside.
It was just me and my kids at home… I didn’t go out. I missed my childhood friends; I could still call them but there’s nothing like saying “let’s go to the park”. My husband was so helpful, he found flexible work which meant he was mostly available to take the kids to school, which helped, but I knew I’d have to go outside.
At points I didn’t even want to talk to anyone about it because it sounded strange and they wouldn’t understand, but thankfully I spoke with my health visitor, and they introduced me to Family Action.
Family Action threw me a lifeline
That was how I met Maria, my perinatal coordinator. I was worried when I was first introduced to Maria, I was really cautious and didn’t say anything, which isn’t like me at all.
As time went on, I felt closer to her, and she made me feel like I could confide without being judged, I could express myself and be free. We would meet every week and when she said “the last time we spoke”, I knew she was actively listening and not just doing her job. She would give me solutions and brainstorm how to help. The advice was so great, not even just the advice relating to motherhood.
Maria helped me realise that, even though I’m not a first-time mum, every child is different, and I needed strategies for my very active toddler as she’s always keeping me on my toes!
She also helped me check there was no physical reason for my anxiety, she helped me with preparing for a new job, studying for my driving test and getting physically fit.
When Family Action organised a trip to the seaside, it was great. Although we don’t live that far away, my daughters had never been to a beach in the UK as I would have had to go to a bus stop, which I would have struggled with before.
It was really really nice. I got the chance to meet mums from all other cultures – I met immigrants like me – and we could share how we’re coping and know we’re not alone.
I actually keep photos of that day out around the house so I can remember it.
Donate
Summer can be an isolating and lonely time – without the routine of school and clubs, it can seem like everyone else is doing outdoor activities together, while some families feel stuck at home. Your donation can help mums like Kemi get the support they need.
