When Claudia* first sought support, she was struggling to cope with the relentless demands of caring for her daughter. But she was also worried about the impact on her son, who had also become a young carer for his sister while still trying to navigate childhood himself. With support from Family Action’s young carers service, he began to find space for his own wellbeing, build confidence and make new friends.
Throughout it all my son was there, helping with everything.
My son is very much a second carer (or young carer) for his sister, but he’s also still a child. He’s a teenager now and the constant caring means he rarely had space just to think about himself, his friendships, or his own wellbeing.
His sister has autism and seizures that have left her brain damaged, and she’s also non-verbal. Although she’s ten, she has the understanding of a two-year-old and the strength of a 40-year-old. I think her aggression is also partly because of the domestic violence she witnessed before I fled my relationship.
Caring for her is physically and emotionally relentless.
The responsibilities of being a young carer
My son helps me take her to bed and get her down the stairs in the morning and help with her medication. She needs constant care, so he even has to watch her so I can go to the toilet.
I can’t work due to my responsibilities and, as such, we’re very overcrowded and that lack of privacy and stability makes it even harder for him to switch off from caring. It hasn’t been easy for him.
I’m quite a proud person, so even asking for help from social services in the first place was very difficult for me. When they visited me at home, they didn’t seem to acknowledge that I was pouring from an empty cup and no matter how much I shook it no more came out. I felt like I wasn’t acknowledged at all.
Social services didn’t seem to see that my son was pouring from an empty cup too.
Finding Family Action’s young carers service
All I wanted was overnight respite so I could recharge my batteries. Although she was supposed to have 14 nights a year respite, she was getting six a year because of her behaviour, they had to shut the whole place down and get more staff in when she stayed.
I was put in touch with Family Action’s young carers service, and they just took us under their wing. I got the sense straight away that they were kind. They could see immediately that we were at crisis point, but they also saw what this was doing to my son’s mental health and wellbeing.
He had been carrying so much responsibility, they helped him build self-esteem, self-respect and a sense that he mattered.
Not just a young carer
My son very quickly built a positive, trusting relationship with his worker, which gave him a safe space away from caring where his own wellbeing could come first. That surprised me as he has very limited trust for people – his own stepfather let him down – so it was remarkable to see him begin to open up, feel supported and grow in confidence.
Despite being a real homebody, he has made friends through activities with Family Action, and those experiences have supported his emotional wellbeing by giving him time to be himself rather than always being the young carer at home.
For example, he’s interested in planes, and I remember that the group went for a lesson to fly an aeroplane, which was obviously something he’d never done before.
He came home and cried, saying ‘I feel like I matter; like I’m meant to feel.
It wasn’t just him they helped, they made social services listen to me, which helped us get into an overnight respite centre, and also put us in contact with another service that got us a car harness. That was valuable because, before, my daughter would reach over and pull my hair when I was driving, which was incredibly dangerous.
My son is also a member of Family Action’s Young Carers Council and advocates for other young carers, by having a voice and speaking up for them. I am so, so proud of him.
The service has been incredible, and I feel 100 percent supported, but the biggest change has been seeing my son’s mental health and wellbeing improve. He is not just coping or helping; he is building confidence, friendships and a voice of his own, and that has meant everything.
