I tried to make myself be sick so I didn’t have to go but it didn’t work...
Brooke is a 17 year old, caring for her mum who has Crohn’s Disease, while dealing with her own physical health problems. Here she tells how she battled with the transition to and from the school every year since primary but how, with support from her family, friends and Family Action, she came to conquer her back to school dread and make it through college.
From loving to hating school
I loved primary school, but when I got to high school, I didn’t like it at all. My first month of year seven I got on alright, but in October I stopped going, it made me feel so sad and scared. Now, as a 17-year-old, I’m trying to get a diagnosis for ADHD and Autism but back then I just knew that I couldn’t queue in the lines because I didn’t like people touching me, and the number of people in the corridors made me stressed. I tried to make myself be sick – to throw up – so I didn’t have to go, but it didn’t work. The attendance officer did eventually come to our house, and tried to persuade me to go to school with chocolate and sweets…
Around that time the young carers service was recommended to me by my high school, although Family Action wasn’t running it yet. I think now it was because I worried about my mum a little too much, she’s got Crohn’s and is sometimes very sick. I would have been about 10 or 11 so I did understand what was happening with my mum as I’d seen her taken to hospital and taken her to doctors’ appointments. I remember being really interested by the needles being put in her muscles, and I think it’s shaped who I am today. I want to be a medical examiner one day.
Making a LEAP
At the start of year 8, I went in for just one day. I didn’t want to go in because I’d missed so much. After COVID I stayed home. Family Action had taken over the young carers service at this point, and I joined their monthly LEAP* group, which helps decide what the service will do, and influences how things work across the city for young carers. It was great as the other young people there could talk about their life, and I could talk about mine. They were all really funny, they just made me happy, and some of them had problems with school as well, so we could share that.
I made it all the way through year 9 and I felt a little bit proud of myself as I was being brave, even though I was still occasionally going back home – I have a bad hip and I can’t stand and walk too long. There was a bungalow at the side of my high school with only a few people in it and a teacher set up to help.
My teacher was nice and liked the stuff I liked – Star Wars and Batman – and we used to talk about that and play loads of games and write stories about them. We also did English and maths, which I love. It helped that we were still abiding by COVID guidelines and there were only a few people. I didn’t make it in on the last day though, which was sad as I’d promised a teacher I’d go in and I was really excited, so it felt like I missed out… but then the summer holidays started.
There was a time when I was really worried about stuff at home, but I talked to my Family Action support worker and, I don’t know why, but it made me think more clearly and calmly about the whole situation.
Back to school dread
When the next school year started, Year 10, I didn’t go in for a few days because I didn’t know what I was going to do and I was scared, but they arranged a meeting with my mum to tell me it would be the same as the previous year, we would be in the same building. That was good, but they could have told me that earlier.
I think I made most of the days in that year, although I was still on a reduced timetable. The next year was worse. I really hated it when I came in on the first day, and I remember crying because I was nervous and scared and I didn’t know what to do. My favourite teacher found me and talked about what we’d done over the summer, so I felt better until I was told that the bungalow had been converted to isolation, so I wasn’t allowed to go in there… unless I got myself put in isolation. I felt like school didn’t know what to do with me. Some days they’d say, “sit down here and we’ll give you some work”, but mostly it felt really bad because there were no teachers and nothing to do. I had no place in the school.
Thrown back in
One day while I was walking to get my brother from school this year seven kid started following me around and calling me names. I don’t want to repeat them because they were really disgusting. He was asking me about being autistic, and when I got outside the gates I was in tears. So, I didn’t go back until my mum called up asking about it. We reported it to the safer schools officer, although I don’t know what came of that report. When I eventually went back, they sort of threw me into lessons, actually walked me down the hall into English.
What worked that year was that I could leave classes early. They told me that I had to take my GCSEs even though I didn’t know anything, and I did alright, even though I technically didn’t pass them. I was very proud of myself, really happy, and I told everyone… My mum, my dad, my aunties and my grandma.
Getting into college
During year 11, I’d been looking forward to going to prom, and when I finally got there it was great being around my friends and seeing the pretty dresses; it was a really great moment for me. Then I found out that I’d gotten into the college I wanted to go to, so I could retake my GCSES… and I loved it there. When I applied it asked whether I was a young carer on the form. I was really pleased when I saw that question and I was able to tick yes.
I started a bit late, but that wasn’t my fault - Family Action worked with the council to sort out a problem with transport for me.
A place that understood my needs
The timetable at the college was three days a week, the college was very small, and the staff didn’t treat you like a child. They listened to what I needed and sorted things that worked for me, like working in small rooms during exams and using coloured overlays to help with reading the text.
It all made me realise what I needed when I was younger – early communication, more planning and people being clearer about what to expect. I made some good friends at college, I loved all the staff and I think I missed a total of three days – I haven’t got my results back yet but I’m confident, and next year I hope to head to further college to study applied science. All the staff at the college, my family and my mum have all told me they’re so proud of me… and I’m proud of myself.
* LEAP is the Leeds Young Carers: engaged, active, participating group for young people
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Working with Family Action has also meant that when I thought my Mum was going into hospital earlier this year, I felt able to speak to college about my worries, and they were really supportive.
