Many men experience mental health challenges at some point in their lives. But they are often less likely to talk about how they’re feeling or seek support. This can mean struggles build quietly over time, sometimes without being recognised until things feel overwhelming.
Recognising the signs early, and knowing support is available, can make a real difference.
Andy’s story
Andy is a birth parent volunteer with Family Action service PAC-UK. Reflecting on his own experiences, he describes how difficult it can be to recognise the need for support.
Andy explains: “One of the biggest challenges is that men don’t always recognise when they need support – I know from my own experience that this is exactly how I was.
“Looking back, there were clear signs:
- Changes in mood, becoming more irritable or withdrawn without really understanding why
- Pulling away from people and things I’d normally be involved in
- Feeling constantly overwhelmed, even by smaller things
- Physical signs like poor sleep and fatigue
- Keeping everything in and just trying to “get on with it”
“At the time, I didn’t recognise these as signs I needed support – it just felt like something I had to deal with on my own. It’s only with hindsight you start to realise those were the points where support could have made a difference much earlier.
It’s a really important topic. Men’s mental health is still something that often goes unnoticed or isn’t spoken about enough, and a lot of it comes down to how men are conditioned to deal with things.
Andy’s experience reflects something many men go through. It’s not always easy to recognise the signs when they’re there, or to take the next step and ask for help.
Hear more from Andy, along with another birth parent volunteer called Kristy, in our article Support for birth parents after adoption.
Things that may stop you asking for support
Even when you’re struggling, asking for help isn’t always easy. There’s a range of reasons why men can find it difficult to reach out for the support they need and some of the following may feel very familiar:
You may be used to hiding your feelings
Many men mask what they’re going through, having grown up being told to “get on with it” or not show emotion. Over time, this can lead to hiding how you feel rather than talking about it, even when things are difficult.
You may not realise you need support
If bottling up your feelings has become normal for you, you may not recognise when you need support. This can also make it hard to spot when things are building up or becoming too much.
You may be worried about how others will react
Fear of judgement or not being taken seriously can make opening up feel risky, especially if you’ve tried before and felt dismissed.
You may feel unheard or overlooked
Some men feel excluded or unheard in different areas of life, whether that’s in relationships, work, or systems like adoption. These experiences can make it harder to believe that reaching out for support will make a difference.
Watch this 20-minute video by the Institute of Health Visitors for some real experiences of feeling unseen as a new father (this video contains for some people, including difficult births, gambling and mental health):
If you need support with any of the issues covered in this video, see the section ‘Where to find support’ at the bottom of this article.
You may not know who to speak to for support
It’s not always clear where to turn for help. If you don’t have someone you feel comfortable talking to, knowing how to access support can feel like another barrier.
You may not know how to start the conversation
Knowing you want to talk is one thing, but knowing how to begin is another. For many men, this can feel like the hardest step.
Taking the first step
Reaching out doesn’t have to mean sharing everything all at once. Small steps can make a big difference, and starting small can make it easier to make that first move towards getting support.
You could start by:
- Talking to someone you trust, even briefly.
- Reaching out to a charity or other organisation, if you’d prefer to talk to someone you don’t know. See the section ‘Where to find support’ at the bottom of this article for suggestions.
- Writing down your thoughts if saying them out loud feels difficult.
- Spending time with others in a relaxed setting, like a group or activity.
Jen at Family Action’s South Tees Perinatal Support Service explains that while some men can struggle to speak to someone face-to-face about how they’re feeling, they can open up in other ways.
An example Jen gives is a journalling activity that helped a young couple share more with each other:
“They couldn’t talk about their feelings together,” Jen says. “But they could write it down on paper. So a lot came out of that session and they learnt a lot about each other because they wrote it down. [The young man] was happy to share lots of things that way.”
Finding a way that feels comfortable for you – whether that’s writing, texting, or talking – can be an important first step.
Where to find support
Support can come from lots of different places, so choose the option you feel most comfortable with. Here are some examples:
- Friends, family members or someone you trust.
- Charities and specialist support organisations, like Family Action (we have local services you can visit and a helpline called FamilyLine that you can contact from home), Samaritans and Mind.
- Community groups or activities (check local noticeboards and social media to find out what’s going on in your area).
- Your GP or other health professionals.
If you’re a father with a young child, you could try a parent and baby or toddler group. While many are mainly attended by mums, they welcome dads too, and some are specifically for fathers. You can find more information through Dad Matters, which supports dads to build relationships and access support in their local area. Another organisation that offers support for dads is PANDAS.
Why early support matters
Many men don’t speak about what they’re going through until things reach crisis point, but support doesn’t have to be a last resort. Recognising the signs early and taking a step to reach out can help you feel more in control and better able to cope.
Needing support is not a sign of weakness. Talking to someone, in whatever way works for you, can be the start of things improving.
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