Making new friends as an adult can feel surprisingly difficult. Between busy schedules, family responsibilities, and the general awkwardness of starting conversations with new people, it can be hard to know where to start. But lots of adults feel the same way, and there are plenty of simple, low pressure ways to start to build connections, no matter your age or circumstances.
Whether you’re looking to expand your circle, find people with similar interests, or just have more everyday chats that could grow into friendships, the ideas below can help you get started.
Making friends where you already are
It might be straightforward enough to make a new friend or two without having to meet new people first. Here are some things to consider:
Where are you a regular?
Consider all the places you go regularly – is your dog walking route the same every day? Do you regularly go to a particular cafe or gym class? Going somewhere regularly helps to build familiarity with other regulars in the same place. This in turn naturally means it’s easier to have conversations.
If you’re a parent…
Being a parent naturally puts you in situations where you’re surrounded by other adults who may be looking for connection too. If time allows, take a moment to chat to other parents at the school gate rather than dropping off and rushing away. Even a quick “how’s your morning going?” can open the door to more relaxed conversations over time.
You can also make the most of the many parties, school fairs, sports days and other events your child is invited to – especially the ones you end up attending with them. Instead of scrolling on your phone while you wait, try starting a conversation with another parent. You won’t click with everyone, and that’s completely normal, but familiarity often starts with simple, everyday chats.
If your child does any regular activities (like swimming lessons, dance classes or clubs) these can also be great opportunities to get to know other parents who are doing the same weekly routine as you. Over time, you may find you see the same faces again and again, which naturally helps conversations feel easier.
Finally, you can often strike up conversations with other parents when you’re at the park with your child. You may not see the same parents regularly, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have lovely interactions – and one or two may well develop into more of a friendship.
Just say hi
Small talk can feel awkward, but if you’ve seen someone regularly in the same place, you know you have that much in common. You don’t need to come up with anything deep – just start with something simple, like:
- “Your dog is so lovely – what’s their name?”
- “I’ve seen you at this class a few times – do you always go to this one?”
- “I’m torn about what to order – do you have any recommendations?”
These small exchanges often grow into deeper interactions over time.
Say yes more often
If we get an unexpected invitation to do something or go somewhere, it can sometimes feel like the easiest or safest option is to say no. This is particularly true if it’s something that’s outside our comfort zone, something we’re unfamiliar with, or in an environment where we won’t know many people.
If this sounds familiar to you, try saying yes next time – even if you feel unsure or a bit shy. Often the magic of making friends happens outside your comfort zone. And either way, you’ll feel a bit braver about saying yes to an invitation the next time one comes your way.
Follow up
There are plenty of times in our lives that we might have a perfectly nice one-off conversation with someone that doesn’t go anywhere. But if you’ve had a really good chat with someone who you feel could become a friend, follow up in a low-stakes way so you have future plans. You might try:
- Asking them if they want to go for a coffee sometime (try to arrange the date and time there and then, to avoid it becoming something you really wanted to do but never got around to organising).
- Asking if they want to meet one morning so you can walk your dogs together.
- Inviting them to attend a group you already go to or an event you already have planned.
By the time you’ve organised one meet-up, you’ll likely feel a little less awkward and more comfortable to make future plans.
Meeting new people who might become friends
You might also be in a position where you feel you need to meet some new people. If that’s the case, there are several things you can try.
What are your interests and hobbies?
If you attend a hobby or interest group, you know that you and the other attendees will all have something in common. This makes it a lot easier to have a conversation, meaning you’ll likely feel more relaxed and feel less pressure to keep the conversation going or be ‘interesting’.
For example:
- If you’re crafty or creative, find a craft group that fits your interests
- If you like walking, find a walking or hiking group
- If you want to try singing, join a community choir
- If you enjoy writing, find a writing group (and for good measure, here’s more about the benefits of creative writing for your mental health)
- If you love reading, find a book club.
If you’re a reader but don’t love the traditional format for book clubs, where everyone reads and discusses the same book, you could try a Silent Book Club. They’re organised by volunteers all over the UK, and you can take along whatever you’re reading – fiction or non-fiction. The usual format is to read for the first hour, then get into groups and chat about what you’re reading for the second hour.
Where to find groups or clubs to join
There are lots of ways to discover what’s happening in your local area. Community noticeboards in libraries, community centres and community hubs are great places to start, as they often list local groups, classes and clubs that might not appear online. You can also browse websites like Meetup or Eventbrite to see what’s going on nearby, from regular hobby groups to one-off events.
Social media can be useful too. Many areas have local Facebook groups where people share upcoming activities, clubs looking for new members, and community projects that need volunteers.
And if you can’t find the kind of group or club you want to join in your local area, you could always start your own. Advertise it on social media and local noticeboards in the library or community centre. It might take a bit of time to pick up, but with perseverance you could build up a great group of likeminded people.
Volunteering
If you have a bit of time to spare and want to put it to good use while meeting people who care about similar causes, consider volunteering. It’s a great option for anyone who’s trying to gain a bit of experience while also potentially making friends, and it often also works well for anyone who has retired.
Depending on your personal interests or what you feel most passionate about, there are several options you could consider:
- Food banks
- Community gardens
- Animal shelters
- Charity shops
- Youth mentoring
One of our youth mentors, Aga, has shared some of the expertise she has from mentoring in a series of articles. They’ll also help to give you a flavour of what it’s like to be a mentor:
- Ideas for spending time with a child when there’s ‘nothing to do’
- Spending time with a child or young person on a budget
- Having meaningful conversations with children and young people
We’re often looking for volunteers for different services and projects at Family Action, so if you’d like to get involved, see what volunteering opportunities are available here.
Parkrun (it’s not just for runners!)
Parkrun can be a lovely way to meet people while also getting out in the fresh air. Every Saturday morning, local parkruns take place for free across the country, with junior parkruns on Sundays for children. Despite the name, you don’t have to be a runner to join in – you can take it at your pace. Lots of people walk, jog or do a combination of the two, and everyone is equally welcome.
If taking part isn’t for you, you can also volunteer, as parkruns are entirely volunteer-run. This is a great way to meet other volunteers and regulars. Roles are simple and you’ll be shown exactly what to do by the parkrun director or volunteer coordinator.
Many parkruns are held in parks or open spaces close to cafés, so there’s often an opportunity to stay for a drink and a chat afterwards.
If it doesn’t go to plan
In an ideal world, every social interaction you have would be positive and reassuring. But in real life, there will be people who you get on with and others who aren’t your sort of person.
You may also find that someone who you previously thought could become a friend doesn’t seem as interested in pursuing the potential friendship as you are. If this is the case, don’t take it personally. It may seem like they’re rejecting you as a person, but in reality there are many reasons why they may seem less keen to be your friend than you thought or hoped they might be. They might be:
- very busy, with little spare time
- struggling with mental health
- coping with difficult relationships (with family, friends or a partner)
- struggling financially.
With time, a friendship may develop. But it may not, so try to be okay with that. Try to make a little time to have conversations with multiple people – that way, you’re less likely to get too invested in any one potential friendship.
You may also find that you naturally drift apart from some friends, while staying in touch with others for much longer. This is also completely normal. A good way of looking at it is by comparing it with a train journey – everyone is on their own journey. While some friends will only be with you for one or two stops, others might be on the train with you for a lot longer. But regardless of how long you end up being friends with someone, you can still have equally valuable experiences and interactions with them.
While building new friendships doesn’t happen overnight, taking small steps to meet and get to know people can lead to genuine, rewarding relationships over time. But if you feel very lonely or isolated now and you need some support, please reach out to an organisation that can help. See what Family Action services are in your area, contact our helpline FamilyLine for more support or take a look at this list of useful contacts Mind has put together.
Call, text, email or web chat FamilyLine
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, worried or upset about any aspect of your family life, FamilyLine is here for you. We offer free emotional support and guidance on family relationships, conflict, parenting, caring, financial worries and more.
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