How to support your autistic child with food and eating

Food, eating and mealtimes in general can be difficult for an autistic child or young person. Here are some of the reasons why, and what you can do to support your autistic child with food and eating.

For additional tips for children with ADHD, see our article: How to support a child with ADHD with food and eating.

How the senses are involved

Food and eating can be a sensory challenge. We taste food, smell it, feel the texture in our mouths and see the different colours on the plate. Add to this the noises other people may make as they eat, the clattering of cutlery, the smells coming from other people’s food or the discomfort of the dining room chair and there’s so much to consider if you’re to help your child make it to the table and eat.

Don’t expect your child to be able to tell you why they find it so difficult. They may simply not be able to explain the problems or how to overcome them. They may think everyone experiences food as they do, so it wouldn’t occur to them to explain it.

Texture is a key reason for picky eating. There’s a tendency to tolerate a particular texture in the mouth which might be soft and mushy or hard and crunchy. But taste, smell and even colour can all be factors. Make a list of the foods they do eat, or sometimes eat on a good day. Can you see patterns of texture or taste?

Food and eating can be a sensory challenge and texture is a key reason for picky eating.

Can you extend the list with similar textures or tastes they haven’t tried before? If you know your child won’t eat bread but will eat crackers, think about whether they might try breadsticks, french bread, melba toast, pretzels, carrot sticks or apple slices, nuts, seeds, sugar snap peas, dry cereal, banana chips, oatcakes, toasted sandwiches, tortilla chips, plain biscuits, raw broccoli or cauliflower florets, granola bars, or rice cakes.

Introduce new items gradually and on the table rather than on their plate so they can choose to try something new at their own pace and when they are having a good day. Use praise when they show an interest in new foods even if all they do is smell and lick them.

Resist the temptation to pile your child’s plate high, which can be difficult if you feel they’re not eating enough. If overwhelmed, they’re more likely to disengage. Small portions and making mini versions of foods can actually be a useful tactic. Four small circles of sandwich made with a pastry cutter might feel more manageable than one large sandwich.

Other senses are also at play in food and eating like:

Interoception: The messages we receive from our internal organs letting us know how we feel. Our neurodiverse children and young people may not always get clear messages from the stomach to say they’re hungry or full.
Proprioception: The messages from muscles relating to the position or awareness of the body. Differences in this sense can sometimes make it difficult to know exactly where things are in your mouth and lead to fear about choking. This may be the reason some people feel more comfortable eating crunchy foods with a clear shape as it’s easier to understand where the food is in the mouth and this in turn feels safer. Harder, crunchier foods also require more work from the oral muscles which can have a calming effect.

The senses are also involved when it comes to the environment in which you’re all eating. Is the TV loud? Are siblings arguing or laughing? Is the washing machine on its final spin just as you are all sitting down?

It can also be difficult to eat out in restaurants. This is because they might not be a comfortable environment for your child, particularly if they also struggle with social interaction.

School dinner halls are an assault on the senses. If eating lunch in school is a regular problem, speak to the school about how to make your child more comfortable:

Can your child have access to ear defenders?
Can they sit with an older year group or different children?
Maybe they can eat outside at a picnic bench if it is dry?
Can they listen to music?
Perhaps your child could be allowed to leave the class five minutes earlier than the others to wash their hands before the toilets get busy. This gives them the chance to arrive in the dinner hall regulated and ready to eat.

The need for routine

Don’t underestimate the comfort gained from consistency and routine. For some children, this will be why they want the same foods at the same time each day. If they’re already a bit anxious in school, they’ll want to see familiar foods in their lunch box which they know they like. The time for trying out new foods is at home in their safe space.

Help your child as much as possible by sticking to a routine and structure around food. Try to keep mealtimes the same, as well as which room you eat in where they sit. Having the same plate, cup or cutlery may be comforting, as is eating the same food brands with a familiar taste. For some it can also help to involve them in meal planning, producing a weekly timetable they can access if they start to feel anxious about what might be for dinner.

Rigid thinking

Children with autism can have fixed, rigid interests and particular subjects which they become obsessive about. So it makes sense that some may become obsessed with eating only certain foods.

It can also mean that if they have had a difficult experience with the taste or texture of a particular food, for example, it may be impossible to persuade them to try to eat that food again. If their refusal to eat something resulted in shouting from mum or dad and a punishment for them, they may recoil the next time they see that food because of those memories. Try to stay calm during disagreements about food, or they can become much bigger problems than they need to be.

Children with autism can have fixed, rigid interests and particular subjects which they become obsessive about. So it makes sense that some may become obsessed with eating only certain foods.

Demand avoidance

Demands can be difficult for your neurodivergent young person. We do make demands around food, like: “Eat it now while it’s hot” or “You cannot go out unless you eat your dinner.” If your child is triggered by demands, it’s best to change your approach by:

involving your child in choosing food
serving food buffet style rather than putting a full plate in front of them
being more flexible about where or when they eat
choosing your battles and be prepared to let some things go
being ready to adapt if necessary.

Think about the language you use. Is it confrontational? Try saying things like, “I wonder what I should make for your dinner tonight?” and just leaving it out there for them to process and come up with an idea. You could also try giving them a few meal options to choose between.

For more information, see The National Autistic Society’s eating guide.

This article was written in collaboration with Norfolk & Waveney Autism and ADHD Support Service. Use our online service finder for SEND and neurodiversity services in your area, or find your local IASS here.

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How to support your autistic child with food and eating

How the senses are involved

The need for routine

Rigid thinking

Demand avoidance

Call, text, email or web chat FamilyLine

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