Home Self Help Getting your daily dose of happiness if you’re experiencing loneliness at Christmas

Getting your daily dose of happiness if you’re experiencing loneliness at Christmas

5 December 2024
This article contains subjects that might be triggering for some people
Mental Health & Wellbeing
Self-help article

Whether you’re surrounded by people or living alone, it’s equally possible for you to feel lonely. So if it feels like everyone around you is planning the perfect festivities, what can you do if you’re experiencing loneliness at Christmas?

Firstly, it’s important to remember that while Christmas can feel like a huge occasion, it will soon pass. The media portrays it as an idyllic time of year, when everyone has their perfect day. But the reality is Christmas doesn’t look like that and it’s different for everyone – although it can be hard to remember that when perfection is all you see on TV and social media. Even if it feels like everyone else is having a better time than you, remember that Christmas Day is just 24 hours and then it’s over.

With that said, it’s important to recognise that loneliness can be a very painful experience. But it can also sometimes be hard to identify. For example:

  • You can be lonely with people around you. Loneliness is not about being on your own. It’s about not feeling connected in that present time.
  • You may not realise immediately that you’re lonely. Feelings of loneliness can creep up on you, and it may take a little while before you realise that what you’re feeling is loneliness. For example, you might only realise you feel lonely after reading an article like this.
  • Loneliness can feel like other emotions. You might feel very sad, or like you’re carrying a lot of emotional weight. You could feel angry, or like you’re experiencing grief. Or you may have those feelings because you’re lonely.
  • Big life changes can lead to feelings of loneliness. For example, if you’ve lost a family member, you might feel lonely because life looks very different. This may be particularly relevant at a time of year like Christmas where we often get together with family.

If you’re experiencing loneliness or any other challenging emotions this Christmas, what can you do about it?

Tips for reducing feelings of loneliness

Reducing loneliness isn’t necessarily about connection to other people – although it can be. The most important aspect is self-regulation, or understanding and being able to manage your feelings and behaviours. This means knowing and embracing the things that work for you when you’re feeling low. It looks like a lot of different things for different people, and what works for one person might not work for another.
So what might help reduce feelings of loneliness?

Do what makes you smile

This is by far the most important thing to think about when you’re lonely. A big part of moving away from feeling lonely is building up the positive chemicals your brain produces that cause you to feel happy: dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins. Oxytocin, the love hormone, is particularly helpful for reducing feelings of loneliness.

To do this, think about what you like to do and what makes you feel better. Whether you’re lonely in isolation or as part of a community, doing the things that make you smile can help. And it may not be about connecting to other people. It might be:

  • drawing
  • writing a letter
  • reading a book
  • gaming with a sibling or friend
  • connecting with nature.

Going outside on a sunny day is an easy way to boost your serotonin. If you can combine this with a little light exercise by going for a walk, you’ll be doing something to help your brain release all of the positive chemicals that contribute to feelings of happiness.

What increases levels of feel-good chemicals?

  • Dopamine: Regular exercise, creating something (writing, music, art), eating foods high in an amino acid called L-tyrosine (for example dairy products, nuts, eggs, soy products, seeds, meat, fish, chicken), working towards long term goals, meditating
  • Oxytocin: Socialising, listening to music, exercising, massage, meditating, physical touch
  • Serotonin: Exercising, massage, sunlight, cold showers
  • Endorphins: Exercising, massage, meditating, eating dark chocolate or spicy food, laughing, crying, creating something (writing, music, art)

Doing something every day to help your brain release these chemicals is often referred to as getting your daily dose (since taking the first letter of each chemical spells ‘dose’).

Consider how you use social media

Social media can affect different people in different ways, and how you feel might depend on how you’re using it. For example, social media can really connect you with other people, and for many people during the pandemic social media was a vital part of being able to stay in touch with others.

It’s also not necessarily a bad thing to scroll through social media and zone out a little. It’s not just ‘wasting time’, as it can aid self-regulation if it helps you switch off from things around you for a little while – for example, if you’re in a household where you don’t feel you belong or you’re with people that think differently to you.

But if you find yourself scrolling social media and judging yourself against what you’re seeing, you may end up feeling worse. Understanding how you use social media and how it makes you feel will tell you if you can use it to connect positively with others, or if you may want to consider taking a break.

Plan ahead

If you know you’re going to experience some degree of loneliness or isolation over the Christmas period, decide while you’re feeling good what you might do to reduce those feelings.

Think about how you can get your daily dose, as explained above. That will look different for everyone and you will know exactly what makes you happiest. What can you plan in advance? How can you connect with people, animals, nature, art or music, for example?

Then make a note of your plan so it’s there when you need it. Whether it’s in a notebook, on a loose piece of paper on the front of your fridge, or in the notes app on your phone, write your ideas down so you don’t forget them. You might also choose to share it with the people around you, so they know what to suggest if you’re feeling low.

What you can do if you think someone is experiencing loneliness at Christmas

You may have come to this article looking for some information to help someone else who you think might be lonely. If that’s the case, a good place to start is by reaching out to them to say hello, whether that’s by knocking on the door or giving them a call.

Then you can follow their lead to see if they want more interaction or if it’s enough that you reached out to say happy Christmas. Some people may want more of a conversation but others may be happy just knowing someone is thinking of them.

Beyond that, you might think about small things you can do to let people know you’re thinking of them. You could send someone a Christmas card or a letter, or even a small gift if you see something that would be perfect for them.

Connecting with someone by sending them a message is nice, but when was the last time you phoned someone for a chat? You might commit to making a phone call regularly, say once or twice a week, and reach out to a different person each time.

And in doing this, you won’t just be helping someone else to feel a bit better. You’ll benefit from a boost of feel-good chemicals, and so will the people you get in touch with. This really is a win-win situation.

You could even think about building this up to become a habit that you stick to throughout the year. We often think about isolation and loneliness at Christmas time, but people have these feelings all year round. These little gestures don’t take much time or energy but could make a real difference to someone’s day.

What you can do if you think a child or young person might be lonely at Christmas

If you think a child or young person might be lonely, a good place to start is again by talking to them. How much you can affect their situation may depend on your relationship to the child, but start by asking open questions. For example:

  • What do you want to do at Christmas?
  • What will Christmas look like for you?
  • How could Christmas be better for you?
  • What will Christmas mean to you?
  • What can I do to make Christmas better for you?

Often, children aren’t asked these questions, so by doing this you’re supporting them to voice their feelings and opinions.

You can also learn a lot by watching how your child is behaving. What’s your child doing? Is their behaviour changing? What are you hearing from your child? Is your child trying to communicate to you that they’re feeling overwhelmed? Paying attention like this can help you make changes that better suit your child.

One more important point to remember is that not everyone celebrates Christmas. Children that are very westernised can feel lonely if their family’s culture doesn’t include Christmas, particularly when they go back to school in January and everyone else is talking about Christmas. If you’re in this situation, you could consider having an end of year celebration, so your child or family feels part of what’s going on over that period.

If you need more support

If you’re feeling lonely or isolated and need more support, consider contacting FamilyLine for emotional support, guidance and information. The following organisations may also be useful:

Call, text, email or web chat FamilyLine

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, worried or upset about any aspect of your family life, FamilyLine is here for you. We offer free emotional support and guidance on family relationships, conflict, parenting, caring, financial worries and more.

Contact FamilyLine

Read more...

Browse all self-help articles

Tackling complex feelings and back to school anxiety

How decluttering your home can change your life

How creative writing can promote good mental health

How to prevent parental burnout

Children’s mental health – 5 simple ways to help

10 free acts of kindness to improve everyone’s wellbeing