How to connect with your teenager this Christmas

If you’re in a similar situation, what can you do to connect with your teenager? Here are some tips to help you understand your teen’s changing needs and keep your relationship with them on track.

Understand teens need sleep

There’s a lot going on in your teenager’s brain and body. They’re still developing physically and mentally, and won’t mature fully until their mid-twenties.

During adolescence, the brain goes through a process known as pruning, in which the brain starts to remove connections that developed in childhood but are no longer used. In other words, if adolescents don’t use information they learnt when they were younger, they start to lose it. Alongside this, another process called myelination is happening, which helps make the brain work more efficiently.

Bear in mind all brains develop at their own pace, and neurodivergent brains may not go through the same processes. To find out more about the changes happening in the adolescent brain, watch this video from Dr Dan Siegel:

The purpose of all this change is to rewire the brain in preparation for adulthood, but it all adds up to mean your teen really does need their sleep. While it may be inconvenient, try to allow their lie-ins and try to forgive the odd over-reaction – even if it happens on Christmas morning.

Allow teenagers the space they need

Our teenagers are maturing into adults, but aren’t quite there yet. While they used to turn to their parents first for advice or just to talk, our children are more likely to turn to their friends as they become teenagers.

As they try to carve out their own space in the world, privacy becomes more important to them. While you may still expect them to tell you the ins and outs of their day, your teen may be less ready to do this. As they develop their own independence, you may have to adjust to the realisation that you’re no longer the centre of their world.

But importantly, this doesn’t mean they no longer need you – they do need you but in a different way. Consistency, safety and understanding are key to adolescents. And some teenagers may need to be with you more as they seek love and attachment through this phase of development.

Give your teen opportunities to exercise their independence

A great way to subtly acknowledge that your teen is no longer a child is to involve them in some of the planning for Christmas. Asking their thoughts allows them to contribute their ideas and opinions, and may help them to feel more interested and engaged in festive activities.

Another way of helping your teen exercise their independence is to talk about something you know they’re interested in, or a topic you know they’ll have an opinion on. Importantly, leave space for them to talk, and actively listen to what they’re saying.

Giving them a chance to share their opinion – even if you don’t agree with it – shows you realise your teenager is no longer a child. Importantly, don’t lecture them if you don’t agree with what they’re saying. Instead, be curious and allow them to explain more about why they think what they think.

If you need more support to connect with your teenager

Family relationships can be difficult at any time, and the hustle and bustle of the festive season can often make existing problems or worries worse. Our free FamilyLine service offers emotional and listening support as well as practical information and guidance, so please reach out if you need to.