It became a staple of my life, no matter how terrible it might have been with kids picking on me, no matter what was happening, I always had an Adopteens thing coming up, and I benchmarked my time by it.
Childhood bullying made life difficult for Molly, though it never stopped her speaking up. Here, she kindly tells us how Adopteens helped her make sense of her life experiences and how she found a sense of belonging that she wants to help others to find too.
It’s hard to tell if I was bullied because I was adopted but I suspect they would bully adopted kids because it’s a struggle for us and, maybe subconsciously, they see that struggle and come at you like a ton of bricks.
I was very open about being adopted as I always thought ‘there’s someone in this room who’s adopted and isn’t speaking up about it’, and me speaking up would make it easier for them. I later found out that a new kid who joined our class was in foster care and I think it helped them.
Other peers wouldn’t understand why something bothered me – they would say “why aren’t you over this?” but the people in the Adopteens group understood.
I really valued that. I remember going to the first youth council meeting in 2021 and it was absolute madness, such chaos… and I loved the exuberance of it! We were all the same age, and we were all in the thick of it. I made such incredible friends there.
Having people understand your experience helps you know that you’re not going crazy.
Now, as an adult, I try and replicate that understanding for people younger than me… Even outside of Adopteens I do a lot of work at university trying to get support services for people… because I’m an annoying little pest!
It’s kind of a role reversal because there’s people who do that for you when you’re younger, and that leads you to think “I’m going to empower people as they empowered me”.
Before I found Adopteens I’d felt disconnected from my identity and I didn’t really accept it as who I was. I didn’t recognise it affecting my everyday life, and I never understood how my experiences were - and are - ingrained within me.
Their resources and learning helped me understand how these experiences I have are intertwined with how I see the world in a way that therapy never did – I think it was never effective as I’m far too conscious of what’s going on in my brain!
I always thought I had some kind of neurodiversity, as the way I react to things isn’t “normal”, but now I recognise that there’s more intersectionality with trauma than I thought, and if I treat it as such I can manage it better.
I didn’t want to talk about being adopted for a really long time. I just hadn’t processed any of it; didn’t recognise that the things that had happened to me were sad.
Now I’m really good at acknowledging what wasn’t great, and that I wish it had gone better…. It’s a skill that you develop.
I used to get frustrated when people would say “because you’re adopted you might struggle with this” and I think it’s important for me especially that I’m not perceived as “Molly who is adopted”. I’m Molly who’s ok with that [being adopted] being a fact about her”.
I think it helps you formulate a form of life story for yourself as, through the group, I could see myself in other people’s stories in a way. In fact, part of the appeal of Adopteens is that everyone in the room is adopted, so it would make no sense to mention it.
Usually, my “fun fact” (the one you’re always encouraged to give as an icebreaker at events) is that I’m adopted so I actually had to think of something else to say when I joined Adopteens.
Having it be a given allows people to accept that this is a thing that just happens… That’s just normal for us and that it’s not the worst thing that’s ever happened. Even though it’s all very different and complicated and nuanced you can say “I recognise that feeling… I know that emotion”. We’ve been there, and we’ve sat in that seat.
The last Adopteens event I went to was snow tubing and I remember thinking “I’m 18 now… I really shouldn’t be attending this”. It was a nice final hurrah, and I remembered looking at the kids who were just starting and thinking how they reminded me of me at that age.
I’m really grateful to have had the opportunities Adopteens have given me, and it’s important just to know that grassroots support is there, even if you never interact or access their services. It’s about knowing you have the option for help with the little things to make your life a bit easier.
About Adopteens
Adopteens is a pioneering service for adopted teenagers across Yorkshire & Humber – created by adopted young people, for adopted young people. Launched in response to a large-scale consultation, The Big Consult, Adopteens was designed to give adopted teenagers a safe space to connect, share experiences, and influence change.
Over the past decade, the service has grown into a vibrant community that not only reduces isolation but also amplifies youth voices in shaping adoption practice across the UK.
