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Mel’s story: proud to be a single parent

4 March 2025
Children & Families Food & Financial Hardship
Story

Here solo mum of four and blogger, Mel Knibb of Le Coin de Mel presents an alternative view – how her life has improved since her separation from her husband, and how she’s proud to be a single parent.

Free to be myself

My mum and dad were divorced, and I hadn’t wanted a ‘broken’ family – I wanted a mum and a dad and kids. But I found that I had to let my picture of what an ideal family looks like go. And when I did it was like a prison door had been opened; there had been a pressure on my chest I wasn’t aware of that was so hard and heavy, and when you lift that pressure it’s amazing.

I had been trapped in a way and, as we’d met in my early twenties, I’d felt that way for a very long time.

Honestly, I thought I’d be trapped until my children were 18, so the decision to separate before they reached that age made me feel free… and free to be myself.

My husband left during lockdown after an extended period of living together despite being separated. So, oddly, when most of the country was miserable locked in their houses during last January it was a lovely period for me – although it did help because I’m a keyworker and my children could be at school along with the other essential workers’ children.  

Project transformation

I’d always felt like the ‘strong’ one in our relationship, holding the house together, and now I went on a mission to improve our house with zero money, learning all sorts of skills to transform our home for nothing.

For example, our kitchen is very old: very tatty and sad and horrible. I looked on the internet and gave myself a budget of 100 pounds and I used that to delaminate all the cupboards, paint the tiles and change the doors.

We’re a partnership for life regarding the children.

During this time my children would still stay with their father as, to me, that was one of the most important things about the relationship. We’re a partnership for life regarding the children. I think that’s essential as we’re supposed to be the grown-ups. We can be in an awkward position, but we have the life experience to put up with it.

Even so I really, really struggled when the children were with their father so I would go on these mad, mad transformation projects. I would do the downstairs toilet or the kitchen in a weekend so every time they would come back there would be something new and different and exciting.

Changing priorities

Another thing my husband and I had argued about was food as, being French, I loved ‘fancy’ food like ratatouille, which he wasn’t as keen on. Now, we’ve gone from two salaries to one and a bit, so our finances had gone from comfortable to… not so comfortable.

But I still have strong beliefs regarding eating good food and I won’t budge on that! So, we work together in the kitchen and try to eat well and eat together. Some of my friends would say to me ‘why do you bother teaching your kids to cut onions?’ and I say, ‘one day they’ll cook my dinner’. And do you know what? They already do!

I’m really proud to say I’m a single parent and not ashamed of being divorced.

I was very driven before I had my children: I wanted to earn lots of money and be able to travel and do all sorts… but that’s changed. If I didn’t have that small budget, I wouldn’t have the satisfaction of doing the work myself and this has been a period of personal, not financial, growth. It’s empowering and, at 42, you don’t expect to learn new stuff. I keep thinking ‘I can do that, and I didn’t have to pay anyone’. And that’s filtered down into my viewpoint in general.

Proud to be a single parent

I’m really proud to say I’m a single parent and not ashamed of being divorced. I genuinely believe it’s made me a better person. Whilst there were no problems with money while I was married, I’m much happier now.

That realisation is why I always try and make time for my children. One day a month we have a mummy day where I spend a whole day with one of them, and we’ve got a vision board which contains our dreams that we all talk about. We always dream about a yellow camper van. We live and breathe it and we have pictures of camper vans all around the house. We also talk about skiing in the alps one day, like I did as a child.

One day there’ll be more money again and although I could go back to working full time, for now, I don’t want to… I want to be there for my children. You can’t do everything… it’s a choice, and what I choose is the simple things in life: happiness and contentment. My kids are the only legacy I will leave behind on this planet. I’m not Monet or a famous singer. They are what will remain when I leave this life, so I want to leave children who are happy, and make people around them happy too.

I feel like I’ve taught the children something too - taught them that you don’t have to be in a relationship if you don’t want to and you should do what’s healthiest for you.

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