Things you can do if your child has experienced trauma

If your child has experienced trauma of any kind, it can leave you feeling helpless and unsure what you can do to help them. In this article, we’ll cover what you can influence, some advice for reaching out for help, and who might be involved when you start to think about recovery.

You may not get all the answers you need from an article, but it can be a useful place to start. Sometimes nothing beats a chat, so feel free to reach out to FamilyLine. Our support service is available over phone, text, email or online chat.

Start with what you can control

The lack of control you might feel after your child has experienced trauma can leave you wondering what to do. Start by thinking about what you do have control of, and that’s the way you respond and interact with your family. The relationship between your child and you as their primary carer is a very important part of coping. It can be the foundation for recovery for many children.

Don’t underestimate the power you have to help your child and family start to heal. There are lots of small things you can do that can have a bigger soothing effect than you might think.

The relationship between your child and you as their primary carer is a very important part of coping. It can be the foundation for recovery for many children.

Things you can try

You may find your child wants to be near you or spend time with you. That doesn’t mean you always have to do big, fun activities like building a den or going on a bike ride. Even little things can be beneficial if it means your child can spend time around you. Examples include:

doing chores together around the house, particularly repetitive actions such as folding washing
making hot chocolate or milkshakes
painting each other’s faces or nails
drawing a picture together, including lots of positive imagery
blowing bubbles
playing with a pet.

These are only examples of things to try, and they may not work for your child. But together, you can work out the kinds of things you like to do together that will also have a positive effect on how they’re feeling. Children’s brains work differently to those of adults. Repetitive, routine activities that may quickly feel boring to you can be very soothing and healing to a child.

While there are things you can do to help your child and family start to recover after trauma, it’s important to remember you don’t have to do it all alone. Even taking the small step of setting up a WhatsApp group with other trusted adults who are close to your family can be a good way of getting practical support for you and your child or children.

A professional woman with a clip board and pen talks to another woman sitting just out of sight

Taking the next step and reaching out for help

If your child has experienced any kind of trauma, try not to feel isolated or that you have to carry it all on your own. It’s important that you look after yourself to be able to look after your child. You should also acknowledge that the trauma your child has experienced may cause trauma from your past to resurface.

If you need to report your child’s traumatic experience, you may be worried that you’ll be blamed. You may expect to be assessed by social workers. The goal for any professional who might be involved isn’t to judge you as a parent but to establish what happened, make sure everyone is safe and to work out the next steps.

However we also know that certain groups of people who already experience discrimination might be concerned that they won’t be treated the same as others. Feeling you won’t be listened to in the same way as someone else can make the idea of reporting trauma even more difficult.

We also know that if you’re asking organisations like charities for help, we probably won’t be the first place you’ve contacted for support. Reliving your and your family’s experiences can be very confronting and bring the difficult feelings to the surface again very quickly.

This is why we want to be as accessible and open as possible about how we can help you. We’ll do our best to acknowledge your pain and help you figure out what you can do today. You can check what local services are available in your area. And while support may vary locally, you also have the option of contacting FamilyLine.

You might also like to explore what online workshops or groups are available. They can be useful for learning more about what has happened while not having to share your whole story. For some people, joining an online workshop with the option to keep your camera switched off feels more comfortable.

Reliving your and your family’s experiences can be very confronting and bring the difficult feelings to the surface again very quickly.

Moving into recovery

Depending on the type of trauma you’re dealing with, it can be unclear who is meant to do what when you start thinking about recovery. Sometimes, even when lots of people are involved, it can feel like no one is helping the child to feel better.

Here are some of the groups of people that may be involved, and a little about the roles they play:

Police and social workers: They’re concerned with what happened, how safe everyone involved is moving forward, and what the next steps should be. They don’t have any responsibility for recovery.
Voluntary sector: This includes any not-for-profit organisations that aren’t run by the government, like Family Action. They can help with recovery, improving your day-to-day life.
Your support network: This is made up of safe and trusted relatives, friends and community members. These people can play an important part in supporting you and your family as you recover.

For more help and advice if your child has experienced trauma, contact FamilyLine.

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If you’re feeling overwhelmed, worried or upset about any aspect of your family life, FamilyLine is here for you. We offer free emotional support and guidance on family relationships, conflict, parenting, caring, financial worries and more.

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Things you can do if your child has experienced trauma

Start with what you can control

Things you can try

Taking the next step and reaching out for help

Moving into recovery

Call, text, email or web chat FamilyLine

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