Tackling complex feelings and back to school anxiety

There are many practical considerations when helping our children transition back to school – particularly after a long summer break or during a move between classes or year groups. Back to school anxiety may be a challenge. It’s also worth considering the emotional impact such transitions can have upon the whole family.

Here our Behaviour Outreach Support Service, which works to promote inclusion in schools, talks about some of the ways we can manage how our children feel about going back to school.

Listen, identify emotions and find good solutions

Ask your children if they have any worries or concerns, ask them how they are feeling, and offer help if they feel they need it. Reassure your child that it’s normal to have mixed emotions. This helps to validate their emotions and helps you relate to them.

Start discussions in a non-threatening way by talking about your day or how you are both feeling.

Whatever your child’s communication style, the advice is similar – listen first and rephrase what they said. This lets them know you’ve heard them and supports them to figure out their feelings.

A good tip is to start discussions by talking about your day or how you are both feeling. This starts a discussion in a non-threatening way.

If your child isn’t interested in talking about the new term, it may be a warning sign. At the other end of the scale, asking repeated questions over and again about possible “what ifs” is a sign something may be up. Generalised responses like “you’ll be fine” won’t help a child with anticipatory anxious thoughts about going back to school. Sharing your experiences and coping mechanisms just may.

Be prepared

Being prepared for the change will reduce stress. Check what equipment is needed for returning to school. It’s also a good idea to check uniform and shoes still fit as this removes another potential source of worry on the day. Startrite has resources to help you measure your child’s feet if you’re unsure of their size and can’t get to a shoe shop.

In the run-up to returning to school try to get routines back in place such as regular bedtimes and mealtimes. Encouraging your children to set their own routines helps them engage, so make sure you discuss what would work well for them.

Things to look forward to

We all enjoy rewards so encourage your children to engage by making a list of all of the things they’re looking forward to when they return to school. This may be seeing friends or attending their favourite lessons. Encourage humour by using phrases such as “remember when…” or “what was the funniest thing you remember?” This focuses on the positive aspects of the school experience and helps to reduce any worries your child may have.

Identify achievements

Discuss your child’s positive achievements (not just academic) during their time away from school, no matter how small! Have they engaged with online learning? Are they now able to make lunch or a snack for themselves or their siblings? Maybe they just got up on time? A positive attitude regarding their progress is an important tool for ensuring they have the right mindset to thrive.

Aspirations

It may help children to set the goals they’re working towards themselves. Support children to realise potential and own their future by asking questions such as:

What parts of school am I good at?
What could I improve on?
How can I feel better about returning to school?

You know your children and this may not work for all young people, but it might help to discuss your personal goals for the next month as this may trigger the thought process for your child.

Plan a treat

Treats and rewards help to keep us all motivated, so you might want to consider planning a treat in advance. This could either be something you all share or something related to their independence. It needn’t be expensive as lots of treats are free or cheap and can be easily planned – such as watching a film, home pampering or even arranging for a favourite meal or takeaway.

Remember that all children and teenagers are different – some don’t want to return to school and others do.

Look after you

The demands on parents over the holidays can be numerous and can have a huge impact on families’ finances and work lives. Make sure you take time for yourself and you’re not just considering your children’s wellbeing.

Transitioning back to school is a process. It’s unlikely things will run smoothly from day one and this is ok. Treat yourself, talk to friends and discuss worries or concerns about your child’s schooling or behaviour.

Think of what will support you and prevent you from worrying. You might want to take some quiet time to think or release endorphins by exercising. Even just going for a quick walk will help elevate your mood. Consider looking into mindfulness and the NHS five steps to mental wellbeing.

Remember that all children and teenagers are different – some don’t want to return to school and others do. Do what is best for you and your family and try not to put added pressure on yourself.

Here are some other useful links:

Find out more about our Behaviour Outreach Support Service (BOSS) and the support it provides to promote inclusion in schools. Or if you feel overwhelmed with pressures related to your child’s return to school, you can contact FamilyLine for emotional support and guidance. Finally, watch these videos from Nip in the Bud for more tips:

Call, text, email or web chat FamilyLine

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, worried or upset about any aspect of your family life, FamilyLine is here for you. We offer free emotional support and guidance on family relationships, conflict, parenting, caring, financial worries and more.

Contact FamilyLine

Tackling complex feelings and back to school anxiety

Listen, identify emotions and find good solutions

Be prepared

Things to look forward to

Identify achievements

Aspirations

Plan a treat

Look after you

Call, text, email or web chat FamilyLine

Read more...

Children’s mental health – 5 simple ways to help